Thursday, March 11, 2010

Our 2010 Snow Trip!

During Kailah's week off we decided to head to Mammoth (again) to play in the snow. We did lots of sledding and lots of napping...all in all a great vacation. :) We stayed in the oldest condo I have ever seen with walls made of paper. The people staying above us were quite the night owls...yikes. Melanie was convinced that either a dragon or a ghost lived above us...personally I would have rather listened to a ghost then those people sneezing, showering and well, you know. Bleh. At one point our brakes decided to stop working and we started fishtailing down the mountain. It was the most calm I have ever seen Larry, it was slow motion, he clamly pulled the emergency and we slowed to a stop. It was pretty sweet. Anywoo, here are some pics from our trip!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Proof of Conception

When we finally saw our doctor we gave him our baby. The nurse asked what was in the container and after a little hesitation, I think to spare our feelings, the doctor said “Proof of conception.”

I thought it was an interesting statement. It was accurate I suppose but left me contemplating the meaning of those few words. “Proof of conception”.

Yes it was physical “proof of conception”, it contained my DNA as well as Larry’s. It was proof of how far development had occurred. It was proof that he/she could have fit into the palm of my hand. I saw the proof myself. I saw legs, arms and blue eyes that will never have the chance to grow and develop. I saw a tiny face that left me wondering if he/she would have looked like the girls or if they would have been more like me with freckles and pale skin. So yes I saw the physical proof of conception.

More then that though it was emotional “proof of conception”, it was “proof of love”. The love we have for that little baby, for each other within our family and for our Heavenly Father. It made me really realize what a miracle it is, what a gift a baby is. I saw our baby. The baby that we had been so excited to meet, to get to know, to love. It was the little person we had tried to think of the perfect name for, the person that we wanted to add to our family. And although he/she only had the chance to grow for a short time I am grateful to have had the opportunity and know that Heavenly Father has plans for me and for our family and I look forward to discovering what those plans are.

Our Baby

At our regular check up this last week we discovered that our baby's heart had stopped beating. We were devastated. We have spent the last 15 weeks jokingly referring to him/her as "Little Herman" and planning for his/her arrival in August. I just wanted to take a minute to thank everyone that has listened to us vent, helped with the girls and brought us food. It has been such a tremendous help during such a sad week.